AFTER A YEAR, AND A HALF…
HE IS LIGHT, HE IS DARKNESS. We love him because he first loved us. Not everyone has a taste of human love, but through him, each of us did experience being well loved. We had know of the Joker for six months, and he had something slowly dripping, like a faucet or a well, that I must dig for myself. It is a rushing stream that flows from his heart into mine. So for me, it’s about trying to find something that’s different from the last. It hasn’t happen before, as Mercury and Jupiter trine, the Joker and I are lining up to create a portal of easy going communication and general goodwill. But I often offset anyone.
As some of the recent Saturn activity works cooperatively with the moon in industrious alley, whatever our family background or experiences in life, whereas we felt love from others or not, we did known love. Indeed, it’s a productive day. The action flies back rapidly.
We did drawn something from the Joker’s inexhaustible source of know-how’s, to know our loving care for the people who matters, that we could pass our pains to others. And for the most part, it is easy to get what you need if you just ask. He, had me to listen to a certain song to get somewhere emotionally. I think that I would be a great artist, because for me, music invokes very strong emotions. I feel like no matter what kind of mood you’re in, if you put on a certain song, it can change that mood and make you happier, sadder, or feel like you’re part of something bigger.
Music is very powerful to me.
“Free hugs of love from Graceland!” As we, the Tregger family, ventured into a new horizon on our lives… we decided to allot our decorum of time to render our warm embrace to those people who need a contemptible amount of unmitigated heed of affection in lieu of the World Hugs Day held every January 21. Here in Nashville, Tennessee’s Capitol Park, in front of the White Pantheon, I’m extremely determined… I really wanted to be an actor. Since I was about four years old, I know I was going to do everything it took to become an actor and I was not going to stop no matter how many times I was told no or how many times I did not get parts. I was always going to keep at it. That’s how I am with anything in my life whether in music, arts, theater or by just giving fake embrace to those gullible people on rear sight.
I just go for it full on and don’t stop until I get it. Growing up in this business of killing people… Greta had always asking me about missing a normal childhood. It’s all I know. It’s weird growing up and having to see your friends die and regenerate at the same time. Because I grew up with it. I’m used to it. And there they was; Keegan, Paul, Damian, Giesele, Wichita, my forever brother Jacob and the others who had been used by the Circus Maximus to be an agent of deliverance to awaken my inner Incubus through the Expression Spell’s Nineteen Sacrifices. I’ve already loosed track of the other Sacrifices’ who had lived and been awakened, but I know they meant well, notwithstanding, they already got their lives back, so am I, with another family. They don’t have anything against me; they don’t have anything to be angry about the Joker.
I will be forever grateful of the Nichol’s. They took me as their own, provided me with a comfortable house, dressed and fed me like a superstar. As much as I want to miss Jacob and Jeremias, I had to go to Menlo Park in San Francisco Bay Area with the Treggers, Danny and Belle Canto. Although I’m not alone in this foreign exposition, as my twin brother’s Tristan and Terrance will go with us, it is still feels like some people are still willing to slip on someone else’s dreams. And yet discouraging words could be exchanged, I’ll admit it, I’m still overwhelmed to think that I could possibly look like them, jealous of the fact that they are Eurasian and mixed blood. But the great wizard, David, who had changed my face with a spell binding act to protect me from Craig and his possible connection with the Circus Maximus… had been dead for a lot of years, has work habits to be erratic to some passers by. I am still doing my best that I could to stifle and piffle others to absolve my slipups and devising a proficient curb to afoot those friendships that may be a factor to my initiative’s euphoria. It was against all odds, as the antiquity of my fibs had been self indulgent, it had been a rakish distress that reposed an erudite dissimilitude between us, the Triplets.
Though I won’t give up with my twin brothers, as they say, there are four words better than I love you, it is… “I’ll stay forever.” Said the girl in red at the same time as my freakish thoughts recollects the way I said it to the former Hortaleza’s. “I’ll need a hug Anselm… don’t be so selfish.” Because I grew up with her, I always say she was my second parent. I had home videos with her, and I can’t forget that. So it’s kind of like over the years, she had a vided languor of pensiveness about me as I’m about to grow up. She’s kind of fumy, funny and wistful sister of mine. “Abe, of course you’ll always have a hug from me!”
I embraced her like it was an eternity had fallen. Since I last saw her, every inch of her had been atypical; from the color of her hair to the smell of her perfume. She embraced me back as same as the way I did. “I miss you so much, it’s like six months since the last time we had a… chat. What’s new about you?”
“My sharp, molar teeth’s.” I held her shoulders, without a shaggy dog story, nor pulling somebody’s leg, I thought how about how she lied when I was young… when everyone is screaming behind the dead cold-unfeeling body of Old Man Lanter, she was there, because I took that doll for her. It was a mistake to follow her, it was a mistake, she was a mistake… she is a mistake. She didn’t took any fully clad measure to defend me from the cops, as I took my time at the Welfare Center of Birmingham, Alabama for an hour… where I sat sitting beside a cannibal and a pedophile, I almost thought that I want to scream, but I’m afraid that they would hear my frustrations. It seems like six months had passed while barely sitting for mere sixty minutes. Though, she’s not just the only one to be blamed… because I stole two, poisonous, cursed dolls. One is made from plastic, and the other one is made from breakable muslin.
She held my shoulders… she’s a thunder, and she’s taller than me… which could be just, for a ballerina who part time as a model. “I have to go back to New York in a few weeks. Which would separate us by the two coasts, is there any way that I could do to persuade you to go with me in New York?”
I looked back at Belle; she’s hugging a filthy homeless guy near the footsteps of the Pantheon. “I found them already; I want to give this family a chance.”
Unusually, she gave me a pat in my left arm. “Good luck with that little man. Wherever you are, whenever you want to… you could always visit your sister in the Big Apple. You could always give me a call; you could always go home in New York. Although, if you don’t mind, what about your application in CUNY, your scholarship in music?”
“I’ve got accepted in University of California- Berkeley. I’m taking a Visual Arts course, maybe some minors in Theater and majors in Painting. You won’t stay for my graduation in high school Abe?” I said, taking off the huge white illustration board hanging on a strip of white lace on my neck. “You could stay for the after party and-”
“Graceland had been gracious to us, the Nichols, but that city had been too small for our family. I can’t run, I can’t hide, I can’t even breathe nor cry. I ought to find some place to be immaculate, to feel such.” She then reads the black letterings on board. “I would get used to this.”
She did what she had to do anyway. She’s still learning about getting away with her farm duties and odd jobs and she’s still bad at its execution. Being an actor is the best job in the world. The reason I got into arts is through acting. Originally, it was because I find people interesting. Every single person that walks into your life has their own set of thoughts, ideas, and deportment… so as an actor, you kind of get to go inside that and play someone else’s life… that has all of those feelings. I love that part about acting.
As far as a new dream that I have, I want to be a director at some point. I want to direct things as well as write. “Your skin, it looks better this time… it’s not a chicken skin, but better than a walking zombie.” Said by a woman… in white lacy dress concoction.
Greta, she knows me pretty well… and knows what I like. She knows when I’ll be into something or if I would be into it for the wrong reasons. She kept me grounded for a while and always has my best interest at heart… so I trust her least. In the meantime, as of the days of Adam and Eve, peace was lost, so forth they ate the forbidden fruit and realized their nakedness, they started blaming saints and each other, introduce conflict to their young’s and sadly, invented murder. All of their descendants, including us, Anselm and Greta had followed exactly what somebody is talking about; their paradigm, negative proof, and unenthusiastic case in point.
I lay blame on others for my own wrong choices, as she becomes angry when I don’t accept her guilt. Greta forsakes me for her disgruntlement as she breaks apart families, churches, communities and nations of same souls of sane minds, she can’t make apace as she’s preoccupied with placing the vicarious liability on my kaput periphery. “Can I get a hug from… my prince?” She said with loss of demanding voice. She bore the blame for all of us, the mankind, and the critical unit of Adam’s blood on his cross. She is now recruiting followers, who having received her forgiveness, wants others to take delivery of it as well. If I accept her remorse and grace by her name, will I lose my desire to withhold it from others?
And when I live in peace with her, will I still be eager to make amends with others?
Can I both give and be given the gift of atrocious longevity this winter?
“I am conscious Greta, I could feel your skin.” When presented with something new, usually, my first instinct was to approach. But every novelty is different. Some cause the opposite reaction. I have to pay attention on when I felt the urge to withdraw instead, and obey my hunch. “I thought you wouldn’t get out of that boat… talking, like this.”
I have been with my Greta and my humanity for ten months now, so do I have to trust everybody on my team? She all had known me very well. “It’s great to have a group of people around you, which you could trust.” She said, in cold blood, Greta flees herself from a reversionary hug that chokes her off. “You are the joker… I know that from the moment I saw you eating mud, cause’ no one can fool the Queen Bee.” She smiled with embittered adherence, “She had drones that can hear everything from the very moment you stab that not-so-innocent Maui with your own teeth… to plotting a trap to suffocate Damian with a game of beer pong. I know why you’re doing this to us Anselm, I know you are thirsty for flesh and hungry for blood… but that doesn’t mean it could define you. It shouldn’t be. I lied to you because I care about you, and not… to hurt anyone, including you.”
My secret is out, what should I do next? I walked passing her towards the stairs made of rubble stones in the Pantheon. I’m not indifferent, I’m just troubled, though I’m not supposedly taken as a young man, and the country had to believe what they should believe. I’m dark, I’m white. I’m a killer, I’m a saint.
She won’t be here if she’s the only person who hold doubts, and because of that, she’s the one I could easily kill off if I don’t come happy with a resolution. “Someone fell in love with me before… the self giving love that I dreamed of, that warm connection that I longed for and that pious sense that I want. Yet, who am I to forsake that, I loosed my grip and blown that chance to be happy. I wish that I did my best to save those wonderful feelings.” I kneeled close at one of the rear pillars. “Perhaps the only thing that I could possibly do is to be nice, and glad, or in high spirits. That somehow, I found something that is lovely, because when the time comes for me to find the right person; I would be ready… to face a wonderful opportunity to be complete, again.”
She lazed beside me who already climbed at the front closed doors of the bleach capitol, like those marble scaffoldings, in which they called in part of these broken spaces, some statues. “Love isn’t about finding the perfect person. It is about loving an imperfect person perfect, because love… is all about sacrifice.”
“But you made me crazy!” I shouted, turning around and facing her small face. I noticed that everybody looked at me like I’m into something harebrained, that I’m talking to myself. And then I remembered… that she was a ghost. “You made me believed that I could do everything that I could possibly want, like I’m a superhero. You made me crave power, fame and money. And you made me kill your grandfather, that innocent Lanter!”
“Who raped me!” She slapped me without any given warning. “I was honest to ask you and to share something about the curse of the dolls, I begged you to steal those rag dolls of my family just to give it back immediately… on Lanter’s cabinet. Yes, I do hate you because what you did to my grandfather is unforgivable but I have to, I have to forgive you because I have to, even though I don’t want to. Even though saying these phrases makes me under the weather. You stowed those dolls to give to your sister Abe and to me as a peace offering. You ran at the forest for a week, we never knew what happened to you out there. But when you came back, something had changed, you know that those dolls have a curse, that whenever it was stolen, the spirits of our ancestors had to kill it’s protectors. Lanter had died because of that. I was loyal to you Anselm, I told you everything and you had seen everything!”
“And you hated me because of that.” I said, and then I plunked up.
“And I forgave you because of that.” She said, she tried to embrace me, yet I cannot feel anything. Just meek rostrums of cold fake some.
I had killed someone, and I certainly wanted to. I may have a disorder, but I am not lunatic.
In a reverse world filled with gloomy, down in the dumps mediocre nonsense corroborating a go nowhere state of grievances, persons of interest are attracted to my exceptional measly like moths to a flaming lamp.
This is her story.
I know that this will hurt her; still, I should embark from her bleak, insensible grasp. “I’ll give you ten months to think, and to join my team. And if that time is over, I’ll dispel you forever. More books, fewer receptions, Boutros… Boutros, Greta.”
Then and there, I rode a bus… that is destined to go to Washington D. C.
Never mind others, never mind yourself more.
YOU COULD ALWAYS FIND ME AT MICHAEL’S HOUSE.
NEXT CHAPTER… Episode 66: Eye Need A Miracle.